I see it all once again,
My laptop, open, with so many tabs,
So many applications I tried to close.
The music still plays.
The bed is still messy,
Lights still on,
The water bottle cap, still not on the bottle.
I can hear the soothing sound of rain,
Feel the breeze slipping through the half-open window,
Tiny droplets clinging to the glass,
A faint flicker from the streetlamp outside,
Dogs trying to hide themselves from cruel winter.
Why do I always forget to clean my desk?
Why are my glasses on the bed?
But wait,
Didn’t I put everything in its place?
Why is the paper still wet with tears?
Why are those sleeping pills scattered on the floor?
Did I take them all at once?
Didn’t I try to leave everything?
Didn’t I hang myself from the ceiling fan?
Then why ?
Why am I still seeing all this,
When I was supposed to close my eyes forever?
The phone’s ringing,
It’s Dad.
I should pick it up.
But wait,
I can’t.
Maybe that was my last goodbye.
Sorry, Papa.
Read these words as I am gone—
Don’t wait and hope I will come back.
Don’t dwell on the past; it won’t return.
Don’t sit near my lifeless body, shedding your tears.
Surely, you will read my words.
Don’t hate me for my unsaid desires.
Don’t let anyone come near me.
Don’t let anyone call my name.
Like the broken wing of a bird,
I tried to be someone’s beloved,
But I failed—
I failed in making even you mine.
Even Though She Wanted To💔
2024-03-27
💖 love✨ yearning
I would lie down on the path she walks by
I would silence my laughter for a lifetime,
If a single tear ever touched her cheek.
I will stop listening to the music that makes my soul dance if she hated the lyrics of a single song.
I would look at the moon for the endless nights,
If she whispered once that it was pretty.
I would gift her my eyes bathed in crimson red
If she wished to see the world through my eyes.
I would pluck every single strand of vein from my body
And wove into the crown If she ever wished to wear.
I would stop looking at those English letters
If she hated the English word.
I would never walk through my legs
If she hated to travel.
But I will never be able to get over her
Even though she wanted to.
Once Shattered, Never Restored💔
2024-03-27
💖 love✨ lament
The mosque, the temple, the church — they may crumble and rise anew,
But the lover's trust, once shattered, can it ever be restored, too?
The houses, the gold, the materials — they may be lost and found anew,
But the lover's love, once lost, can it ever be found again, too?